


Boxing Champ

by bluebacchus



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Boxing & Fisticuffs, F/F, F/M, First Dates, First Kiss, Frogs, Gen, Love at First Sight, Luther is trying so hard, M/M, Modern!Dave, Multi, Pining, Prompt Fill, frogs giving good advice, men talking about emotions in the locker room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-07 10:55:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19207942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebacchus/pseuds/bluebacchus
Summary: The Hargreeves vs. Katz rematch is shaping up to be the biggest boxing match the gym has seen all week.(It's the only match they have booked this week)Fill for the umbrellakink community on dreamwidth where Dave and Diego are friendly boxing rivals and Dave falls madly in love with the guy who looks like an off-duty clown in the audience (it's Klaus)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt: Okay, so an au where they solve the apocalypse issue but Klaus never time travels, and instead of being a soldier in Vietnam, Dave is a retired soldier-turned-boxer, who has a friendly boxing rivalry going with Diego. 
> 
> (Imagine the possibilities of Diego showing up to a match with his family for the first time, and Dave immediately asking him who that babe he brought is and Diego being like 'who, Vanya? Allison?' and Dave is like 'No that.' points at Klaus who looks like a hot mess, maybe hasn't showered in or slept in two days and Dave is just in love)

I.

The Hargreeves vs. Katz match was set to start in an hour and Klaus was missing. Still feeling guilty from not noticing the last time, Luther scattered everyone in a search party, convinced that Klaus had been kidnapped again and was probably being tortured within an inch of his life. Five stayed behind despite the obvious travel advantage he had because, as he put it, he “didn’t really care,” and “doing one family activity per day is more than enough.”

What was the point of paying to go see Diego beat some guy up? They’d all been watching him do it for years, free of charge.

So it was just Five sitting in the kitchen when Ben appeared across from the table and asked, “Where is everyone?”

“Family bonding,” Five said, sitting on the counter and banging the heels of his shoes against the counter while he ate a bowl of marshmallows.

“Why wasn’t I invited?”

“Klaus is missing again.”

“No he isn’t,” Ben said, confused. “He’s in his room.”

Five blinked and stared at Ben, who shrugged and faded away. Luther came barrelling through the door a few minutes later with Vanya and Allison trailing behind. Before he could even mention the moon once, Five had blinked in front of him.

“Nice observation skills, Luther. Klaus is in his bedroom. He has been this whole time.”

“I checked! He wasn’t there!”

Allison checked her watch. “We have to leave soon or else we’re not going to make it.”

“I’ll go check if Five’s right about Klaus,” Luther said, ignoring Five's response of "I am!". He took the stairs two at a time, stopping when he got to the top and trying to make it look like he wasn’t freaking out. He’d learned a lot in the past few years about taking care of his family, but he didn’t want to be overbearing. He was, of course, but the others had the decency to see his attempts at understanding and kindness for what they were.

He opened the door to Klaus’s room. Nothing had changed. The room was an explosion of clothing. Clothes covered every single surface in the room except a small table where there was a stack of books, a crack pipe (a souvenir of the old days, Klaus said, and it seemed like he was telling the truth. It had a layer of dust on it that proved it hadn’t been used since Klaus got clean a year ago), and a copy of Men’s Health that looked like it had been lovingly read many times. Luther stepped over the threshold and into the chaos. It was clear Klaus wasn’t here, but he really wanted to know what the magazine had to say about “10 Waxing Tips that Will Change Your Dating Life”.

“Don’t touch my porn,” a voice said.

Luther, startled, pulled his hand away from the table. He looked around, frantically. “Are you a ghost?” he asked, eyes darting from side to side.

“Yes. The ghost of Leave Me Alone-mas Past.” Luther could pinpoint the origin of the voice to the direction of the bed.

“…Klaus?”

“Duh.”

“Where are you?”

“Down here.” What Luther had mistaken for a pile of dirty clothes on the ground was actually his brother. He looked like shit. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair stuck up in all directions, and he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt. One of Luther’s favourite Hawaiian shirts. There was something seriously wrong.

“We have to go to Diego’s thing tonight,” Luther reminded him.

“Shit,” Klaus said. “Do I have to?”

“Well-“ Luther wanted to say yes. Old Luther would have said yes. But new, post-apocalypse Luther really was trying and tried to remember the book on depression he read last year when Klaus refused to get out of bed for two weeks. “It might be good for you to get some fresh air,” he said instead. Oh great, he thought. Now it sounded like he just told his brother that he smelled bad. It wasn’t a lie, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world to smell a bit… unique in a gym with a bunch of sweaty guys getting even sweatier.  

Klaus sighed. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. Do I have time for a bath?”

Luther was going to regret this. “No.”

“Oh, okay.” Klaus peeled himself off the floor and began rooting around the piles for something that passed the sniff test. He settled pretty quickly on a yellow button up with a ruffle running down the front and a pair of blue and green striped pants. He surveyed himself in the mirror, nodding. Luther thought he looked like a clown, but nodded also. Klaus then picked up a brush, but thought better of it and put it back down, trading it for eyeliner, which he applied in record breaking time. Luther was impressed. He must have amazing dexterity to trace his eyes so close and not poke them out. Maybe he should try it sometime. In secret.

Klaus pushed past him to leave the room, calling out “No dawdling, brother! We can’t be late!”

He stalled for another five minutes when they all piled in the car because he figured he should probably brush his teeth first. Allison almost protested, but Vanya, who was sat in the backseat next to him, shushed her and said, holding her breath, “That’s a great idea.”

 

II.

Diego was warming up in the ring before the doors opened. His rival, Dave, was skipping rope on the floor, counting to one hundred before pulling out some crazy moves that Diego had only seen done by twelve year old girls in the playground. It was impressive.

“You learn that from the girl scouts, Katz?” he yelled over the sound of their warm-up music. Dave laughed. He was an easy going guy, and Diego had enjoyed boxing with him for the past couple of years. He had come in one day, curly brown hair shaved down to a buzz cut and a faraway look in his eye that said more about where he’d been the last few years than his simple answer of “Asia”.

“Four sisters, Hargreeves. You don’t make it through that without picking up a few tricks.”

“Six siblings, remember? I know the tricks.”

Dave laughed again. “Your family coming tonight?” He hung the jump rope up on a peg.

“They sure are. And so’s my girl, so don’t embarrass me.”

Dave climbed up into the ring with him and leaned against the ropes. “You don’t need my help to embarrass yourself, Hargreeves. Besides, isn’t she your ex-girl?”

“Well, technically,” Diego said, leaning against the ropes next to Dave. “But she said she might consider taking me back if I win tonight.”

“I could just talk to her for you, you know.” After invaliding out of the army due to a piece of shrapnel lodged in his spine, Dave came back to the States and transitioned almost seamlessly into his job as a paramedic. He’d been in school during the whole apocalypse fiasco, so Diego never saw him around before the day he came into the gym. But now, he had a stable job working split shifts downtown on the ambulance and therefore ran into Eudora a lot more than Diego did these days. She liked him, Diego knew, but he couldn’t fault her for it. Dave was a great guy.

“Definitely not. She’d never let me live it down if I got someone else to talk to her for me.”

“I just meant you could ask for help, Di. It won’t kill you.”

Diego grinned. “Wanna make a bet?” Dave groaned. Diego’s boxing gym bets were legendary. Once he promised the owner of the gym that he would swallow a live frog if he didn’t give him a raise. He didn’t get the raise, and one frog was very nearly swallowed until Dave stepped in and saved it. He liked frogs. He liked their long legs and their happy little faces, and Mr. R. Bibbit now lived in his apartment in a tank that cost more than the monthly rent.

“If you win, you can try to get me and Eudora back together your way. If I win…” he paused for dramatic effect, “I get to set you up on a date with one of my sis- siblings.”

“Good save on the siblings thing, Di. I’m pretty sure I’m straight, though.”

Diego shrugged. “It’s 2022, man.”

They clapped each other on the back and left to go get changed. “You know, I’m not going to go easy on you just because Patch is coming to watch.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, buddy.”

 

III.

Dave was really looking forward to the fight. In their running rivalry, it was the rematch of the century. Last time, Dave had just barely lost and he had trained long and hard to finally best Diego. It was a shame that he was planning on kicking his ass in front of his entire family, but it couldn’t be helped.

“Oh God, she’s here,” Diego said. He was sitting on the bench in the locker room while Dave finished taping up his knuckles .

“Huh? How do you know? Or did you finally join the 21st century and get a phone?”

Diego leaned back and hit the back of his head against the lockers. “I can just like, feel her, man. She’s like a magnet. Drawing me in.”

Dave sat down on the bench beside him, a foot away. Diego was a great guy, and Dave was proud to call him his friend, but he wasn’t sure if they were close enough for Diego to cry on him yet. Diego had his head in his hands now and was shaking his head. Dave pitied him, but in a way was envious that Diego had someone who he loved so deeply.

“You know,” he said carefully, knowing full well he was about to divulge a secret that Eudora had made him swear he would never tell lest she break down his door and beat him with her baton. “She still loves you. She made me promise not to tell you, but she does.”

Diego’s shoulders began to shake. Oh God. He was crying before the boxing match. Dave didn’t know how to comfort him. “Um,” he said, thinking it was a good place to start.

Suddenly, Diego couldn’t hold it in anymore and sat up, laughing his ass off. “I knew it!” he said. “I knew she told you something!”

Dave sighed. “Please don’t tell her I grassed. She’ll hurt me,” he whispered.

“I won’t,” Diego promised. Dave hoped he didn’t have his fingers crossed behind his back. “But really dude, they’re all here. Let’s go say hi.”

 

IV.

He was surprised they all came. Diego knew just as well as anyone that trying to get all six (living) siblings in one place was like herding hamsters. Sure, Vanya was ignoring the rest of them in favour of her new girlfriend and Five looked like he’d rather die than be here and Klaus looked like a clown on welfare and was staring, bored, into the middle distance, but they were here and that in itself was an act of such devotion that Diego was touched.

He quickly forgot about how touched he was when Luther stepped to the side and Eudora came into view. She was gorgeous in a leather jacket and motorcycle boots with no makeup and her hair still up in a bun from work, and Diego felt the stutter rise in his throat.

“Eudora!” Dave called, jogging past Diego and sweeping her into a big hug. “I haven’t seen you in like, four whole days! How has life been?”

Diego watched with distaste as Dave so easily engaged his ex-girlfriend in conversation. He watched, afraid, as Eudora touched his shoulder casually in conversation and smiled at him and laughed at the things he said.

“Who’s your friend?” Klaus said dreamily beside him. There was a curl near his ear that sproinged out perfectly horizontal like a spring. The other side of his hair was squashed and matted like he had been sleeping on it for a couple of days. Truth be told, he probably had been.

“Off limits,” Diego said, accidentally shouldering Vanya into her absurdly tall girlfriend as he stalked up to Dave and Eudora and desperately tried to think of something cool to say.

“Here for the fight?” he said.

Eudora looked at him like he was an idiot. Which, considering what he had just asked her, he was.

“Why else would I be in a shitty gym on a work night?”

“Working,” he said. “Picking up criminals. You know, liars. Guys who betray their friends.”

“Wow,” Dave said, so quietly that only Diego could hear.

“We should go prepare. Bye, Dora.”

“Don’t call me that!”

 

V.

The lights were on and the ring was set, and Dave and Diego stood in the ring facing each other. The ref was taking a phone call, mighty professional fight that this was, and so they waited. The crowd was silent.

A shout of “Diego, have my babies!” came from the crowd. It was Klaus. Of course it was Klaus. Dave chuckled and looked for the wise guy who had just finished wolf whistling. Diego shook his head, trying to indicate for Dave not to bother because it was just his idiot brother, but Dave’s eyes found the Hargreeves siblings in the crowd and grew wider and wider like flying saucers touching down in a corn field.

“Who is that?” Dave asked, turning to Diego with an awe-struck look on his face.

Diego huffed. “Who? Not my idiot ex-junkie brother?”

“The beautiful one. The absolute babe sitting near Patch.”

“Uh, Vanya? Or Vanya’s girlfriend?”

“No, no, I know Li. We work together. The one in the ruffles.”

“Allison.”

“No, next to her.”

“There’s no one next to her.”

“Yeah, in the yellow.”

Diego squinted into the crowd. There was Patch (beautiful, angelic, amazing Eudora), then Vanya and her girlfriend, and then Klaus and Allison and Five and then Luther, taking up two seats on the end.

“Between your sisters,” Dave said. He’d seen a picture of Allison once, and apparently he knew Vanya somehow, but there was no way.

No. Way.

“There’s no way you’re talking about Klaus.” Diego said it definitively, because there really was no way that Dave could be talking about his brother.

“Klaus…” Dave said, rolling the name around in his mouth and smiling stupidly into the crowd. With horror, Diego saw Klaus catch Dave’s eye and wink, and then continued on the tracks towards utter mortification when he watched Dave flush bright red.

“Wow,” Dave said.

“I thought you said you were straight,” Diego said.

“Clearly not,” Dave said, still staring straight at Klaus, who was staring back.

“Quit staring at him, it’s weird!”

“I feel like my eyes were made specifically for the purpose of looking at him,” Dave said. Diego was so confused. Klaus’s yellow shirt was an affront to all the senses, and his unruly hair made him look like a fluffy dog startled out of sleep. The eyeliner he could understand, but Dave didn’t seem like the type of guy who would go for the goth look. Underneath the eyeliner, Diego could tell even from here that Klaus’s eyes were bloodshot, meaning he hadn’t slept in at least two days, and the state of his hair told him that it had been a lot longer than that since he last had a bath.

“Do I get to choose which sibling you set me up on a date with if I lose the fight?”

Diego was taken aback. “I guess?” he said.

“Just checking,” Dave said. He had a soft expression on his face now; the wonder had faded and now he just smiled at Diego’s brother, refusing to take his eyes off him.

“Klaus,” he whispered again, and he was so distracted that he didn’t notice when the ref climbed back in the ring, rang the bell, and Diego turned and socked him right across the cheek.


	2. PART II: TREES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back by popular demand!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the response to this has been overwhelming! Thank you so much for the kudos and the comments and the general love for Dave being an absolute idiot, which is shaping up to be my niche and I'm here for it. 
> 
> I can confirm there'll be a part 3 because I thought up a stupid line and it made me laugh for about 10 minutes so expect Luther, Diego, and my sweet angel Agnes to get involved with this boxing drama. 
> 
> There will also be more boxing, probably.

**I.**

“Vanya?”

“No.”

“Allison?”

“No.”

“…Luther?”

“No!”

“Bro, I don’t think you understand what you’re asking me to do,” Diego said, towelling off his hair.

Dave was still in his boxing shorts, ice pack held up against his bruised cheekbone. “You said I could choose.”

Diego glared at him. “Fine. I can’t believe I’m about to do this.” Dave began to smile, not noticing when the pull of it reopened the cut across his cheek. “I’ll let you go out with Grace.”

Dave’s smile faded. “Isn’t that your mom?”

“Yes,” Diego said, like it was causing him physical pain to say.

“I’m not going out with your mom, Di. No way.”

“What’s wrong with my mom, huh? You don’t think she’s good enough for you?”

Dave leaned back, away from Diego’s aggressive stance. “I’m sure she’s wonderful, but I’m already in love with your brother.”

Diego rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. “You didn’t even talk to him!”

“We _connected,_ Diego. Isn’t that what you said about you and Patch?”

“Don’t go there,” Diego said, low and dangerous. Dave grinned again and walked to his locker, pulling out his gym towel and some kind of fancy soap that boasted on the bottle that it smelled like trees.

“Does Klaus like trees?” Dave asked.

“Uh, maybe?” Diego said. Who _knew_ what Klaus liked these days. “Does it matter?”

“Yes! Hygiene is important, you know. I have to smell nice when we go on our date.”

Diego groaned, and packed up his gym bag. He was about to leave when Dave called out to him from the shower stall. He sounded distressed.

“I just had a shower thought, Diego. What if he doesn’t like me? What if he doesn’t want to go out with someone who got KO’d in one punch? What if he’s embarrassed to be seen with me?”

Diego leaned against the wall next to the shower stall.

“That’s not a shower thought, that’s a thought in the shower,” he called, raising his voice so Dave could hear him under the spray of the water.

This whole situation was outrageous, he thought, but then again, if Dave started seeing his brother, he wouldn’t be flirting with Eudora, which would give him an edge in winning back the love of his life…

“You realize he has like, no standards, right? You could show up wearing a potato sack and a pair of Crocs and you’d look like a Greek God compared to everyone else he’s ever dated.”

Dave poked his head out around the shower curtain. There was still shampoo in his hair. It also smelled like trees. “No way. I can’t believe someone who looks like _him_ has standards as low as ‘Crocs’.”

“I don’t think any of his exes even owned shoes.”

Dave shook his head as it disappeared back under the spray of the shower.

 

**II.**

Dave received the text message from Diego at ten the next morning.

_Pick him up at two today. You’re welcome._

Dave did a little dance of joy in his bedroom, wiggling his hips and lifting his arms in the air. Then, just because he could, he hopped up on his bed and gave a couple good jumps. He got a little adventurous on the last one, trying to spin in the air, but he lost his footing and slipped back onto his bed. Unfazed, he rolled around hugging a pillow until he was satisfied that his performance would be worthy of a teen romance movie and got up to make lunch.

At two he pulled up outside The Academy, internally freaking out because he had to parallel park in front. It only took him two tries and he prayed to the First Date Gods that Klaus (or Diego) had not witnessed his first attempt where he nearly backed over a surly, fat pigeon.

He adjusted the collar of his shirt, made sure the fly on his dress pants was pulled up, and grabbed the bouquet of flowers before heading to the door. They were yellow and blue and green, inspired by Klaus’s outfit yesterday. Or, as Dave explained to the lady at the flower shop, the colours he saw when he fell in love.

Dave felt intimidated by the heavy door. He hadn’t dated much since he got back from Syria- trying to balance work, therapy, and a hobby had been exhausting enough and he didn’t have the energy or the motivation to go out and meet people. He had his friends at work, and he had his therapist, and he had Diego and his boxing buddies, and he thought that was enough.

Then he saw an angel in yellow ruffles and suddenly he knew that his world would be empty if he didn’t get a chance to talk to him.

With this in mind, Dave knocked on the door.

“You must be Dave,” a child said. He, despite being all of thirteen, still managed a look that made Dave quake in his shiny loafers.

“Hi,” he said. “Is Klaus home?”

He had practiced this, just in case he was faced with one of the scarier siblings. Dave didn’t realize that this kid would be the scariest of them all.

“Who wants to know?” the kid said.

“Uh, me? Dave. I’d like to take him out this afternoon.”

The kid gave him a long, hard stare before blipping away in a flash of blue light. Dave wondered if he had just imagined the whole thing.

“Why are you standing in my doorway?” Diego said, coming down the stairs. He was wearing a ridiculous black leathery jumpsuit and had knives strapped to his chest.

“There was a- there, a kid, but he-“ Dave made a motion with his hands that was supposed to mean “disappeared” but looked more like “exploded.”

“That was just Five being Five. Don’t worry about him. Wanna wait inside?”

Dave stepped into the entrance hall and waited while Diego eyed the flowers and the shiny shoes with suspicion.

“You’re serious about this, aren’t you?” Diego said.

Dave nodded. He noticed movement on the landing before he actually saw Klaus begin to descend the stairs. He moved like a princess at a royal ball. Each step was slow and deliberate, and he trailed a hand down the railing the whole time. When he finally reached the bottom of the stairs, Dave’s mouth was dry.

“Hey. Sorry, new shoes,” Klaus said, pulling up the leg of a black and white striped flared trouser to reveal a pair of metallic silver platform sneakers. They were so shiny Dave thought he might see his reflection in them if he bent down to kiss Klaus’s feet. Which he wouldn’t, because that would be weird. It wasn’t something you did on the first date.

“Hi,” Dave said, a little late. He couldn’t remember where his tongue went when he spoke. It felt too big for his mouth.

“Cool, let’s blow this popsicle stand.” Klaus linked arms with Dave and waved at Diego as they walked out the door.

“Have fun! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“I don’t think Dave owns a strap-on, brother dearest,” Klaus said, as he shut the door just in time to for it to catch one of Diego’s knives.

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh, wow, you smell like trees,” Klaus said, leaning in and sniffing at Dave’s neck. Dave blushed. He’d totally rub this in Diego’s face later.

“Thanks,” Dave said. “Do you like trees?” He wanted to light his brain on fire until he burnt out all the stupid things he kept saying.

“Oh, yeah. I like oaks and poplars and palm trees, _obviously._ I mean, who doesn’t like palm trees. They make coconuts. And there’s no one in the world who doesn’t think a coconut’s not a worthwhile fruit. Is a coconut a fruit?”

“I think so,” Dave said. He’d never thought about coconuts in depth before.

“What about you? Do you like trees or are you a fake tree fan who just likes smelling like one?”

“Oh, I love them. All of nature, really. But I used to play in the ravine behind my house when I was growing up, so I’ve always felt safe around them.”

Klaus hummed. “Feeling safe is important,” he said sagely. “So, I guess that means I have to ask. Are you going to murder me?”

Dave sputtered. “No! I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I can’t control my dreams. I could dream about murdering you if you’re not careful. I’ve got some vengeful ghosts that hang out in my dreams, you know.”

“That sounds really scary.” Dave knew a lot about chronic nightmares. “I have a lot of nightmares too.”

“Did Diego tell you I used to be a colossal fuckup?” Klaus said suddenly. He was leaning back in the seat and twirling his thumbs around the other as he stared out the window.

“I used to be a lot of things. Doesn’t mean I am anymore.”

Klaus looked at him and smiled. Dave almost crashed the car into a fire hydrant.

“Can we go to the park?”

“Yeah,” Dave said, changing lanes and ready to look at some trees.

 

**III.**

There were a lot of trees at the park. It was nice. Dave fit right in, tall and sturdy and smelling like fresh pine. Klaus wondered if this was all a set-up. Maybe Dave was an actor or something who Diego hired to show him what a real date was supposed to be like.

They chatted comfortably as they walked down the path. Klaus talked about everything, and nothing, and Dave responded to his weird questions with a thoughtfulness that puzzled him. He’d never had an intellectual discussion over what they would rather eat: a poo-flavoured curry or a curry-flavoured poo. It was refreshing to be in the company of someone who didn’t see him as an ex-junkie or a lazy psychic.

It couldn’t last, because good things never do.

“Please help me,” a dead man said.

“Can it, old man. I’m on a date,” Klaus shot back, smiling a reassurance at Dave and asking if he also thought that last gust of wind sounded like a voice.

“Please, I’ve been murdered.”

“Whose fault is that?” Klaus asked. He stopped, finally, excusing himself for a moment before beginning to argue with the old man’s ghost, unaware that to anyone else, it looked like he was yelling at a small brown squirrel.

“The guy who murdered me!”

“That’s… a good point, old man. I’ll give you that one.”

“Please, the man who killed me is still around and my body is just around the bend-“

Klaus then excused himself from the ghost and turned back to Dave.

“You can talk to ghosts,” Dave said in disbelief.

“Yeah.”

“Right.”

“Look, I hate to do this but-“ Dave’s face fell when he sensed rejection. “No, no, I just mean… Would you like to solve a murder with me?”

Dave blinked. “Sure,” he said. “I’ve never done one of those before.”

Twenty minutes later, Dave was kneeling on the back of a tackled murderer, Klaus was showing the paramedics where the body was, and the police had blocked off the entire park.

Klaus sauntered down the path back towards Dave. “That was fun, right?” he said, earnestly. Dave agreed, digging his knee into the criminal’s back.

“Klaus?”

“Dean? Is that you?”

“Yeah, buddy! Long time no see! Where’ve you been lately, man? We all thought you died.” Dave looked surprised that Klaus and the murderer were acquainted.

“What are you doing going around murdering old men for?”

“Oh, you know. This and that.”

“Is that a confession?” Patch said, as she approached the scene.

“Shit,” said Dean the Murderer.

“Hey Patch!” Dave said, grinning up at her from Dean’s back.

“Did you seriously take down a murder suspect singlehanded?” she said. “I expect that stuff from Diego, not from you.”

“Oh no,” Dave said. “I had help. I’m on a date,” he explained. Klaus waved.

Patch raised an eyebrow, but nodded approvingly. “We can take him from here. You go ahead and get back to your date.”

They made it to the car before Dave burst out laughing. “That was so cool!” he said.

Klaus made a face. “Really? You don’t think it was… weird?”

“Weird? Of course it was weird! I’ve never done anything like that in my life!”

Klaus smiled, and eventually caught onto Dave’s infectious laugh.

“What a day,” Dave said when his laugher finally died down. “Did you, uh, maybe… want to come over to my place for a drink? Or a coffee?”

Klaus knew he should refuse. He knew that if he went home with someone he was ten times more likely to do something stupid, and he was trying to get his life back on track. He weighed his options for tonight. He could either choose social contact with an incredibly handsome man who had just nonchalantly tackled his ex-dealer to the ground, or he could do his laundry.

“I’d love to,” he said.

 

**IV.**

“Cool frog,” Klaus said, bending down to watch Mr. R. Bibbitt stare sulkily into the distance. “What’s his, her, or their name?”

“Her name is Mr. R. Bibbitt,” Dave said. A very overdue google search told him that his adopted frog was, in fact, female, but he’d grown attached to the name. So much so that he got one of his ex-military-turned-woodworker buddies to craft a massive burnished wood sign that declared his living room “Home of Mr. R. Bibbitt” with a stylized etching of Michigan J. Frog from Looney Tunes singing “Hello! Ma Baby”.

“I like her.”

“Your brother almost ate her.”

Klaus didn’t seem fazed upon hearing this. Maybe Diego eating small amphibians was a regular occurrence in their family.

“And you saved her from the wrath of his gaping maw?” Klaus had stood and turned around, staring at him with his head cocked to the side and eyes wide. Dave didn’t know if he was being sarcastic or not.

“Well, I guess,” he said modestly, shrugging. Mr. R. Bibbitt croaked.

“She said you’re her hero!” Klaus exclaimed, turning around and kneeling in front of the tank while making cooing noises at the frog.

Dave watched with fascinated awe. He still couldn’t believe his luck.

“Come here, she wants to tell you something.” Dave obliged, kneeling down beside Klaus and looking into his frog’s beady eyes. He could hear Klaus holding his breath, waiting for the frog to croak again. Instead, she turned away from them and jumped into the water, hiding behind her favourite rock.

For some reason, Dave felt disappointed.

“She’s embarrassed to say it again, I think.”

“What did she say?” Dave didn’t question the fact that he was implying that Klaus could speak Frog. He probably could.

“She said it’s not weird to kiss on the first date.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Frogs are full of all kinds of wisdom. Once one told me all about the fall of Carthage in 1452.”

“Wasn’t Carthage an ancient city?”

Klaus shrugged. “Not the one this frog was from.”

 “You’re so…” Dave paused. He couldn’t settle on a word to describe Klaus.

“Weird?” Klaus supplied. He didn’t say ‘weird’ like it was a good thing.

“I was going to say you’re amazing, but it’s not… big enough. You’re like, a palace in the middle of the desert, filled with so many amazing things that you don’t know what to look at first, so you just wander around inside it, happy you’ve found shelter from the sandstorm outside but you don’t know how you were lucky enough to find any shelter, let alone the most beautiful building you’ve ever seen.” Dave bit his lip. There was no way Klaus was going to understand what the hell he just said. He didn’t even understand it and it came from his dumb brain.

“Wow,” Klaus said slowly. “Like, look in that corner: a tiger! And over there: a mermaid with a robotic arm! And the ceiling is made of Oreos and it’s perfect ‘cause you’ve got the munchies.”

Taken aback by his perfect understanding, Dave said, “Actually, yeah.”

Klaus scooted a little closer to him. “And that’s what you think of me?”

“Yeah,” Dave laughed. “It’s pretty crazy, huh?”

“Compared to most things in my life? Not at all.”

Klaus scooted even closer on his knees, a weird hopping movement that was awkward and adorable like a penguin, and Dave chanced it and opened his arms. Klaus fit perfectly against him and wrapped his arms around Dave’s back, leaning his head on his shoulder and giving him the best hug Dave had ever had in his life. _Sorry mom,_ he thought. They pulled apart, just barely.

“Are you sure Mr. R. Bibbitt approves?” Dave murmured against the corner of Klaus’s mouth.

He could feel him smile; the upturn of Klaus’s mouth caught against Dave’s lips but it wasn’t enough, so he ducked his head down for a better angle and kissed him properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also addicted to filling things on umbrellakink and I'm secretly leaving my NSFW ones over there because I am ashamed of myself, so if you want some cheesy romantic smut go trawling through the fills post and I'm sure you'll find something (wink wink)


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